one year in co-housing

my cute little house

Almost exactly a year to the date I bought my house, I sat in a title company office in Portland signing to sell the very cute little, 575 sqft, house I bought in a co-housing community.  The signing brought my adventure with co-housing to a close.  Last year it seemed like such an elegant solution to live in Portland during the week and in Hood River on the weekends.  By doing that I could avoid my daily commute, but more importantly I could sleep an extra hour in the mornings and not be super rushed to meet the van pool at 5:30 am.  Not having a community in Portland I thought that the four unit co-housing community would be perfect, and in theory it was perfect.  There was a beautiful common area that was landscaped with edible plants and a generous court yard to hangout in, a community BBQ, a bike barn built from recycled materials with a living roof, a cob guest house and weekly Monday night dinners.  It was all very cozy.

entry to co-housing community

What I quickly realized is that community for me is people that know me, I know them and we look out for each other.  After the fall of hanging out in Portland doing things I started going back to Hood River every weekend to do things and to be with people I know, and to be in my house that was more comfortable for me.  The Monday night dinners became a burden instead of something I looked forward to.  The dinners soon became comical as I struggled to make it on time to Portland with excuses that I really couldn’t even let them know because they sounded so made up; I locked myself out of my house and had to climb into my second story window in biking shoes, I got a flat tire and had to have the tire repaired at Les Schwab the same week that everyone was taking the studs off their cars, the best one was having to buy a refrigerator for my rental house at Sears in 15 minutes.  After driving frantically to Portland only to walk in late to another dinner and facing the glares I started thinking this is just not really working for me. 

finn dog at the beach retreat

An annual weekend retreat was something that was planned for the community to get to know each other better and check in with how things were working.  Originally I thought that could be fun, by spring I was beginning to realize that it would not be that much fun.  But I was open to being surprised, but I could feel that I didn’t really belong there, I didn’t have a lot of spare time and I spent most of my free time in Hood River.  Sometimes at the weekly dinners the sesame street song would start playing in my head – which one doesn’t belong?  Needless to say I was feeling a bit awkward at the retreat – my feeling was exacerbated when I was shown where I would be sleeping for the weekend.  It was in a loft area above the living room, up a latter that my dog would not be able to climb.  So while everyone got bedrooms, even the two kids I was on the couch in the living room.  This made me think about what community was for me and what I expected from a community.  Saturday we did a bunch of different activities, during one of these activies/checkins someone told me that they resented my lack of participation in the community.  I replied by saying that I thought at this retreat I would get voted off the island.  After that it was clear to me that I would not be able to meet their expectations of community living nor did I really want to.  I realized that I like my own garden space, I like to figure out when I want to work on the garden, I like the flexibility of my time – when we have the first sunny day all year I want to be able to enjoy it by biking not doing a work party.  My adventure in co-housing came to and end.  I let them know that I would be selling my house, shortly after that I signed up for Monday night short track race series and stopped going to the Monday night dinners.  I was having a lot more fun and felt a burden of responsibility lifted.  I don’t like to fail people but in this case I had over extended myself and felt I was failing all over the place.

Lucky for me once I got a realtor I had an accepted offer on the house 10 days after being listed.  Yesterday I moved out – it was a beautiful sunny day in Portland and I sadly left the house and went back to Hood River.  I will miss the French bakery three blocks way, the great grocery stores close by, the very hip shops on Alberta Street, $3 movies at the Kennedy school, running on Alameda Street, biking through Irvington neighborhood and the excellent restaurant choices.  I will not miss the Monday night dinners and feeling like I am not doing enough.  As I said my silent good bye to my house that never became a home for me and to the community I grab a handful of raspberries and Marion berries growing in the garden area, I left with a sweet taste in my mouth.  Co-housing was not for me, at least not now, but I am glad I tried it.